American Life
by RidiculousTiming
Summary: 4 years on from college and Naomi has settled well into her American life. She's moved on and so has everyone else, or at least she thinks they have. It's only when the Fitch's turn up on a holiday that she starts to rethink what she left. Naomily!
1. Chapter 1

**So I scrapped the other story I had going and decided to go with this one. I had the two set out together but I just really couldn't get another chapter going for the other one while I quite like this. Basically just set when they are 22 or so (not AU btw, just futuristic and shit). Hope you enjoy!**

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The weather was beautiful as usual. She could never complain about the weather because unlike Britain, the weather never seemed to be shit. Sure, it would rain, but it would be so heavy it was joyful than disastrous. Sometimes it would snow, but it was always so fantastic there was no point complaining. Today though, it was sunny. It wasn't horribly hot just pleasantly warm and bright. She smiled as she thought of everything she could do on such a day. She smiled when she thought about the people she would go and see, the places she may go or the things she would do. People passed her on their skateboards and bikes, people with their dogs, with their children, and all of them were smiling. It seemed nothing could ruin one of these rare mornings where she would actually wake up _happy_. Her smile faltered though. Her smile dropped as her eyes fell upon the face she had long thought gone. It was in no way a thought brought on by hatred, but shame. It was wrong seeing her face. It was wrong because this is where she lived and had been doing so for the past 4 years and it was so far away from the shared home town of Bristol that it was just _wrong_. She licked her lips as she looked away quickly, knowing it was her own little secret for the time being as the other girl was none the wiser. It didn't stop her heart racing though or her mind jumbling. A hand ran through her hair as she began taking deep and quick breaths in an attempt to calm herself. She couldn't help it when her eyes made another glance to the place she'd seen them. It wasn't just her. It was her family and her. She swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head. She needed to just get home.

"Come on," She quietly shouted to the dog behind her. Her hand tugged at the leash that connected her to the rather cute looking corgi puppy which, much to her annoyance, had decided to lie on the hot pavement and bask in the sun. "No, no! Come on Darwin. Darwin! For fucks sake! Don't make me drag your fucking arse across the pavement you little twat."

The dog did nothing causing the blonde to walk over to it. "You are a right pain. I swear. I'm taking you to the fucking shelters soon."

She picked the dog up and tucked it under her arm. Her heart didn't calm for a second. It continued racing with every step she took. Once she was far enough away from the warming pavement, she placed Darwin down. She petted him lightly before picking herself up. It wasn't until she stumbled back that she had realised there had been someone right in front of her.

"Shit sorry," She mumbled. She checked on Darwin before looking to whoever she had hit. Her face fell instantly.

A wide grin appeared on the man's face, "A good ol' British!" His thick Liverpoodlian accent was like gun shots down her ear. "You look familiar too," He continued with a sceptical look. "Do I know you?"

She shook her head furiously, "No. I don't think- Uhm. I best be off."

"I'm sure I know you," He grinned. "It's not every day I see an attractive blonde. I mean, sure I see a few but none that I recognise."

She grimaced and breathed deeply. The longer she stayed around him the bigger the chance of them all seeing her. She didn't want that. She didn't want to have to face them all together. She didn't want to have to face _her_. "I've got to go," She said again.

"Hang on, you must be in your 20's am I right? You might know my daughters."

Her chest tightened and her breathing became erratic. _Shit, shit, shit. Just run._ She shook her head, "I don't think so. I've-"

"Katie! Emily!"

Her name. She'd forgotten how beautiful her name was. It was cheesy to think it, but the name had always been like music to her ears. Now though, it was like having someone scream down your ear. It was a harsh reminded that there was still a world outside of America – one she had been so quick to leave behind and, in the blink of an eye, appeared to be returning.

"I've really got to go," She voiced. She bent down and picked up Darwin. "I'll see you around." She turned and thought she was saved until hands were around her shoulder, guiding her around so she faced the direction of the people walking towards her. She didn't lift her eyes from the floor though.

"Just wait. I'm so sure I know you."

She kept her head down. She didn't dare lift it. She just couldn't.

"Hey girls, do we know this girl? She looks familiar. Sure one of you two must know her."

No one said anything. She wondered if she had got the family completely mixed up and this wasn't in fact the family she thought it was. Her head slowly lifted as her heart sank. It was exactly who she had thought it would be. In front of her stood the twins that she thought were a whole other life ago. They hadn't changed much appearance wise and apparently attitude wise.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" The scowl and anger on the girls face was so furious that the grip around her shoulders tightened in what she assumed was fear. "Are you taking the piss dad?"

"Why, what? I thought we just-" Her dad began.

"That's fucking Naomi."

Her dad dropped his arm from around her and turned and faced her. "Oh! Oh."

Naomi looked away awkwardly, swallowing the lump in her throat. She didn't say anything but, of course, Katie did.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Naomi scowled, "I live here."

"Oh yeah, I remember you telling us all about that. Oh wait, I don't. You didn't fucking tell anyone. You didn't tell Emily you cunt," Katie spat.

"Don't," The voice beside her said weakly.

It was in that second that her heart broke a second time. She couldn't handle hearing that voice again. She hated hearing it like that – sad. She was still sad after all these years. Naomi closed her eyes briefly before looking up. She didn't so much look at the family, but more the two people moving towards the little gathering. _Shit_.

"What's going on over here? Another argu- Oh."

"Just a little reunion, Jenna."

Jenna looked at Naomi with so much hatred she almost felt like running there and then. The prospect of seeing Emily was one thing, but seeing the only woman that actually caused her so much discomfort that she wish she were invisible was even worse. The boy beside her grinned and nodded his head in a perverted manner.

"Naomi. Still as fit as ever," He grinned.

Had it not been for the utter worry, pain and discomfort she was in, she may have actually smiled at the boys comment for she hadn't seen James for years yet he was still the same and held no judgement to her. Or maybe he was just being a perv.

"What is she doing here?" Jenna snarled.

"She lives here mum," The small voice came again. Naomi couldn't help but look. Sad and hollow eyes were looking to the floor as dull but still red hair blew around her face. She was still beautiful. That wasn't a surprise though, Naomi knew that. The puppy under her arm began to squeal and scratch at her. She placed him on the floor and went to say something but was stopped.

"You ruin this holiday for us and-"

"Mum!"

Naomi nodded, "I won't. I'm sorry. I didn't-" She began to stumble for words. It was then that Emily lifted her head and looked at the blonde in front of her. "I'll go."

She began walking but was stopped. She turned quickly and saw Darwin lying on the floor again. It earnt a chuckle from James and Rob.

"Fucks sake," She muttered. She picked the dog up once more. "Uhm, bye. Sorry. Bye."

She pulled the leash and her arms and her body and her head felt weak. People passed her on their skateboards and bikes, people with their dogs, with their children, and all of them were fucking smiling. Everyone was fucking smiling and she had never felt so shit in her life. It's one thing leaving someone, breaking their heart, breaking your own, it's a whole other thing having to see them again and realising that your heart is still broken.

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**First chapter done! Second chapter some time soon I suppose. I haven't actually written it yet buuuut anyways! R&R! **

**So yeah. Basically just a little idea after reading the Skins novel!**


	2. Chapter 2

She sat on the edge of the pier. The small dog was lying beside her, drifting off into one of its regular day time naps that always seemed to occur when they were out on walks. She stroked it, careful not to wake it but still feeling the warmth of the fur. She sighed and sprawled herself across the empty pier and let out a frustrated groan. She wondered if she'd see them again. The place was big, but she had already seen them once. She pulled out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling the fumes and releasing them once she felt content. Her eyes closed and her body relaxed. The cigarette was stumped out lazily before her mind wandered elsewhere. She didn't go to sleep though. She wished she could have, but the noises of the streets and the masses of people made it difficult to feel relaxed enough to actually let her body stop worrying. She glanced down at her watch and vaguely remembered she had a job to get to.

She had graduated from one of the top universities; she was on her way to doing what she wanted to do but it was happening slowly. She was thankful that her numerous jobs made it easy to keep a secure home. She picked herself up along with the small, still sleeping, puppy and began heading back to the city she hated to love and loved to hate.

"Naomi! Your 10 minutes late. Some kids could have drowned by now."

Naomi glanced around the beach and shaded her eyes with her hand, squinting in an attempt to avoid the sun. "Surely you'd have saved them if that had happened?"

The girl in front of her shook her head, "Your British accent may be charming, but I swear if you make me miss out on my tanning hour one more time I'll kill you."

Naomi smirked, "Well I'm sorry about that. Can you look after Darwin for me?"

The girl perked up and grinned, "I love him. Yes! Gimme, gimme!"

With a laugh, she handed the dog over. She placed her bag beside the girl who was now playing with Darwin. She proceeded to take her shirt off revealing a blue bikini top. She kept her shorts on and sat beside the girl on the towel.

"You should get in the tower girly. Someone dies it's your fault."

Naomi nodded. "Hey Emma, have you ever had to leave someone behind?"

The brunette girl beside the blonde stopped playing with the puppy and looked to Naomi with furrowed eyebrows. "Something wrong?"

"No," Naomi said quickly. "Well. No. It's nothing." She got up off the towel and walked up the tower. She sat and watched the people running around and while she knew with a job like hers there should be no time to let her mind drift, she let it anyway. Her mind started of peacefully, just thinking about how a heat wave had hit the place, then thinking about how she'd go for a swim when Emma was back on shift but then it got darker. Her mind began to tread slowly on territory she had forbidden it before. Emily wasn't a thought she let her mind drift to regularly. It was rare and painful. Sometimes, she wished she could remember the good times, the ones that would make her smile because like in that poem ''tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' but then she remembered she didn't lose Emily, she left her and gave up. So for a brief second, she sees to smile that used to, and still could, warm her body far beyond what the sun could do, but it always cut shorts when she sees that smile crack and the tears fall and she took cracks when she is reminded it was her fault. When she's snapped back, she looks around quickly and surveys the beach. Thankfully, nothing had happened so she lets out a sigh.

"Naomi, I'm gonna have to go to the boats. When I'm back are you alright to take over tours?"

"Uh, yeah. Take Darwin too."

Emma brought the dog to her face and began pulling kissy faces at it. "Of course! Who wouldn't want this ickle baby!"

With a scoff, Naomi turned back to the sea and eyed it. There were kids acting stupidly, but as long as they weren't drowning each other she'd just leave them be.

"Of course you fucking have to be here!"

Naomi's eyes looked to her left before her body followed. "Lovely to see you again," She huffed.

Her sarcasm apparently still failed to work on the girl and there was no luck in ridding the nuisance that was Katie Fitch.

"Don't fuck about with my sister."

Naomi threw her hands up in despair. "I haven't even spoken to her. I didn't even know you were here for fucks sake. What do you want me to do?"

"I just don't want you hurting her anymore."

Neither said anything. Both looked angrily at one another, neither giving up their stance in hopes that one would give up. Their eyes snapped away when the familiar voice of the other twin Fitch came.

"Katie, what are you- Oh."

Naomi stood awkwardly and grinded her teeth. She watched as Emily's eyes trailed down past her face and neck and further but she stopped herself doing the same. She coughed and smiled painfully, "Hey."

Emily nodded, "Hey. Uhm, yeah, Katie. Mum wants us to be at the boats, you know, to go on that tour or something?"

_Shit_. Once Emma came back it was her turn to do the boat tours. She just hoped desperately the girl wouldn't be-

"Naomi! Youuuu're up!" The girl called with a laugh. She turned quickly and saw Emma running towards her. "Get to the boats bitch."

She heard a groan beside her, "You've got to be kidding." The twins began to walk away and while Naomi watched in total despair, Emily gave a quick glance over her shoulder. Shit, she looked good in a bikini. With a sigh, she wiped her face.

"You would have to come back now, wouldn't you?"

Emma looked to her confused, "Why, what?"

"Nothing. Can you keep Darwin again or?"

"Of course! I should just adopt the little guy. I'm more of a mother than you'll ever be."

Naomi scoffed, "Later." She picked her shirt off the tower before walking idly towards the boat bay. A man began shouting and waving at her.

"Hurry the fuck over here!"

Her pace picked up and jogged towards him, pulling her shirt over her as she did so. Once she got to him, he was smirking.

"Could have left the shirt off."

She cringed but said nothing.

"We're taking the boat out in a couple minutes for the..." He looked down at his clipboard, trying to find the name.

"Fitch's perhaps?"

He looks up cautiously, "Yeah. How did you-"

"I just did."

She climbed into the boat and sighed. If it had been any other day, she'd have been driving the boat with more than one family but of course, the Fitch's had to reserve a boat on the only day of the week that was set aside for families or even couples to just travel privately. She hit the steering wheel frustrated and groaned. This was painful and so utterly stupid. It was like a fucking episode of the O.C. Maybe if she actually moved to the O.C. she'd be okay. She scoffed, that'd be the day.

"Naomi get your fucking head out of the clouds and start the fucking thing up."

She did as she was told and started the boat up. She was thankful to have most of the nice jobs the beach held. She was trained as a lifeguard, she worked in the bars along the beach sometimes and had, only recently, gained the right qualifications to actually be able to work on the boats. She was grateful for the connections Kieran had provided her with. Then there were times like this that she wished she just had a job at some cafe and was living on the streets.

"Ah, you must be the Fitch's. I'm Jasper and I'm your tour guide. This is Naomi, she's driving the boat."

She didn't even bother to look up and just kept her eyes on the sea. It was one thing not paying attention to the sea while standing on the shore trying to protect people's lives, another not paying attention while on the sea.

"The tour will take us around the area and to a small island just a bit further out from here. The boat can get pretty fast so we advise you to stay seated and possibly fasten the seat belts but no one ever does."

He climbed in beside Naomi and sat down. "Let's get going then."

Once making sure they were all on the boat, she set off from the beach. She was thankful that she wasn't the one that needed to talk, but the complete opposite. She kept her eyes ahead and said nothing.

"Naomi can you stop here for a second."

She stopped and glanced at him in confusion. He winked at her before standing up and grinning. We'll have a quick stop here to go for a swim, shall we?

Katie jumped up at the proposal and in a beat had her shorts off. "I'd love to."

Naomi then realised what he was doing. With a groan, she turned the engine of and leaned back in her seat. One by one they all got out of the boat except for Naomi who remained in place.

"Hey."

Her body flung around and her heart raced. "Holy shit I thought everyone was off the boat."

"Sorry," The voice mumbled.

Naomi shook her head. "It's uhm, okay."

The two fell into a silence leaving them with the sound of screaming and laughter from the sea. She wondered if it was appropriate to say she was sorry, or to act like nothing had ever happened. Wondered whether to ask about her life, or tell her about her own. Her mind rattled for anything and everything until finally she asked,

"How've you been?"

Emily looked up, "I've been fine. How about you?"

Naomi nodded, "I've been fine. You know, living the life on this here boat."

It earnt a quiet laugh from the red head. Naomi smiled and felt herself relax ever so lightly. "So what brings you to America?"

"Family holiday. We've just got back onto our feet properly. Money wise I mean. So we thought we'd go somewhere big."

Naomi nodded, "That's cool."

Emily chuckled.

"What?" Naomi asked amused.

"You just sound funny. American but still British."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

They fell back into a silence while Naomi looked around the sea, shielding her eyes from the sun. She closed her eyes as she realised that Emily was right behind her. The girl she hadn't seen in 4 years. The girl she fucking loved.

"Shit," She mumbled.

Emily's eyes shot up and looked at Naomi. "What?"

"Nothing," She said quietly. "Why aren't you swimming?"

Emily looked down and began fiddling with the hem of her shirt. She bit the inside of her cheek and shrugged before looking back up at Naomi. "Just don't feel like it."

Naomi squinted as the sun continued to shine brightly. She just nodded and bit her lip. Her eyes scanned over the sea and proceeded to roll. "Jasper seems to be getting on splendid with Katie."

Brown eyes followed her eye line and scoffed. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Naomi watched closely and a smile tugged at her lips. Her eyes softened and her breathe caught because she'd never seen someone so beautiful in her life. "You look hot."

Naomi looked at Emily, "Uh, thanks?"

"N-No, I meant- I mean you are, I just- I meant you look like you're hot. Like... hot. From the sun..."

"Oh," Naomi laughed sheepishly. "Yeah. I am."

"You are."

Feeling awkwardness and tension rising, she turned her body around and looked for Jasper. When she caught his eye she signalled for him to come back to the boat. With a roll of his eyes he said something to Katie and then began heading back to the boat. The Fitch's followed shortly after and all were back on board.

"So Campbell, get the boat going."

"And this is where you can have some lunch if you'd like. You've got 2 hours before we head back shore. If we only have one twin," He winked at Katie, "We'll still head back. Busy schedule and shit."

Naomi scoffed and turned the engine off. Each of the Fitch's got out, following Jasper as they did so. Naomi didn't followed quite as quickly. She'd done this all before, the guide that is. She got out of the boat reluctantly. The glare that Jenna shot her didn't go unnoticed even though she acted it and she headed towards the spot they were standing.

He whispered to Naomi, "Since it's just the one family, we'll only need one group and one tour guide, so-"

"You can take this one then."

A smirk appeared on his face and he patted her back. "Let's get going then Fitch's."

She watched them walk away and took a deep breath. She couldn't imagine a worse thing happening to her, right now of all times.


	3. Chapter 3

Although she had spoken to Emily fine on the boat, that is if you ignore the awkwardness and tension they both felt, but the second they were back on that boat heading back to the beach, Naomi couldn't even bring herself to look at the red head. The second they hit the warm, glowing sand, the Fitch's jumped out as if it were their first time on land in years. Naomi briefly wondered what it would be like to just go out on a boat, one better than the shit she drove for a job, but a proper boat and just set out to sea. See wherever the wind took her and fish for food and maybe she'd take Darwin with her or maybe she'd let Emma keep him or maybe, just maybe, she'd invite Emma because she liked Emma. She liked Emily too and thought, just for a second, what it would be like to have a free life out on the blue sea with Emily. She wondered if they'd swim right there, in the middle of the ocean with no one else around and only the two of them and wondered if Emily would ever do such a thing. Then she remembered; it didn't matter. Emily wasn't hers she even went on to remember, she didn't want Emily. The thoughts made her wince and glance at Emily as she could read her thoughts because she knew she was lying but at the same time she wasn't. She'd lived 4 years in America only sometimes thinking back to the red head so how could she possibly want her back within one day? She just couldn't.

She got out of the boat and pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. It was only when she looked up and saw Emma that she smiled.

"Hey Campbell, I totally just taught your dog how to sit which I think means drinks on you tonight."

Naomi laughed and shook her head, "No way. I've paid the last few nights, I'm nearly broke."

Emma scoffed, "Oh don't lie. Fine, I'll pay but you have to be that one that is slightly more sober and is able to guide us back to the apartment."

Although there was no logic to it because even when she was sober she still got lost she shrugged and agreed. It was only when Naomi turned around that she realised the Fitch's had gone. She looked around the beach and vaguely saw the family leaving. She bit her lip before turning back to Emma with a forced smile.

"So what do you want to do until then?"

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"You said you were going to remain slightly sober!" Emma laughed, holding onto Naomi's shoulders for support as the blonde grinned back drunkenly.

"I am! I am, really, really I am."

"Pffft-" Emma broke out into a loud laugh before indicating to the bar. "I'll get us some more drinks, yeah?"

Naomi nodded and as an upbeat song came on began to move with it. People around her did the same and even attempted to become part of her own personal dance. She allowed them once in a while but once their intensions changed, she would move away. She didn't much feel like it. It was when Emma came back that she threw her arms around her and smiled.

"What did you get me?"

"I began heading over, right?"

Naomi nodded with a giggle.

Emma did the same, "Right? Then I thought, fuck it!"

"Fuck it!" Naomi repeated.

"Fuck it. Let's just go."

"Oh," Naomi pouted before nodded agreeably, "Sure... Sure. I'll uhm, yeah. The apartment... It's uhm, somewhere."

As if she were guiding a lost puppy home, Emma took Naomi by the hand and took her out of the club. They both stumbled out and laughed. This happened regularly – too regularly – but she didn't mind to much because she liked Emma and Emma was fun to be around and it reminded her of Bristol. As they both tried to find their way back to the apartment, they would laugh at anyone and everyone that in daylight would not have even been slightly funny but right now the man standing on the corner dressed in denim on denim was hilarious.

When they finally found their apartment, Naomi was reminded of how and why the two had ended up living together. With a laugh she turned to Emma and brought up what was on her mind.

"Remember? Remember when we first began living together?"

Emma laughed loudly and then shook her head, "No. Tell me."

As they made their way up their stairs, stumbling and mumbling, Naomi began telling her. "You began working a different shift at the beach and you began crying this one time and told me how... shit, uhm, you- Something. I don't remember the details. Something happened and I said you could stay with me and you were like 'are you going to kill me?' or something like that because it was the first time we had properly talked and I was letting you live with me. Then you never left and I gave you a key and you changed your address. Remember now?"

Emma smiled, "I always remembered."

Once at the door, so began the most dreaded part; finding the keys followed by an even worse task; unlocking the door. Both fought for the right to the key with laughs and while one would try prodding at the lock that, on sober occasions, was one of the easiest things in the world, the other would giggle and watch. Once the door was unlocked, Emma pushed up against Naomi and kissing her roughly. Naomi stumbled back but it was all in routine. She held onto Emma's hair and brought her down with her as she lowered to the floor. Her fingers trailed down the waist of the girl on top and lingered at the top of the skirt. Emma pulled back and grinned, taking Naomi's hand and moving it down past the waistband of the skirt and to her thigh. Another kiss was placed on Naomi's mouth, this time it asked for entrance, begging even. She obliged before reversing the positions and pushing her knee between Emma's thighs. She pulled back briefly, pulling her shirt over her head before doing to same to Emma's shirt. She began trailing kisses from the collarbone to her stomach. Below, the body arched into her. She smirked up before pulling the skirt down. Hands shot to her hair and gripped on as if it were her final breath.

"Please-" A voice begged. "Naomi..."

She teased briefly before holding onto Emma's thighs. Never did her hands leave where they were, only when a loud and long gasp came from the other end did she move at all – save for her tongue. The arched back relaxed and, breathlessly and wordlessly, Naomi was greeted by one long, final kiss before the body below her fell asleep. Silently, she made her way to the kitchen before slumping to the floor in a mess and going to sleep herself. She'd never gone to sleep with sick feeling like this.

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"Darwin, fuck off. Fuck off. Darwin."

She cracked an eye open finally and saw the small puppy sitting in front of her whining and scratching at her arm. She sat up and ran a hand through her hair. Instantly pleased that his cries had been answered, Darwin began jumping around her and barking. She picked him up quickly and shook her head.

"Shhh," She whispered. She stood up with him in her hands and glanced to the living area where Emma was still sleeping. She pulled her phone out and read 4 AM. She sighed and cursed at the dog before slipping into the bedroom and pulling out a clean shirt from a drawer in the room. She half considered going right back to bed considering the newly cleaned bed sheets looked like heaven on earth right now. She didn't though and headed to the apartment door with a lead in one hand and Darwin in the other. Placing him down once they were outside, she attached the leash and began on one of their rare early strolls. He seemed overjoyed it this and for once didn't take to sleeping in the middle of the street. She smiled down at the puppy before yawning.

"You're like a furry devil, aren't you?" She asked him, thankful for the empty streets save for the odd early worker.

Of course, he didn't reply. She sighed and let him lead the way, not bothering to worry about where they ended up. She did intervene in his directions at one point supposing he wanted to go to a park. It was only a 10 minute walk before a suitable park was found. Once at the centre he was let off the leash and began running around the open space.

"So tired," She mumbled to herself before lying down in the green grass. She yawned once again and licked her lip. She stilled tasted Emma and began to wipe at her lips with the back of her hands. Her eyes closed briefly until something stamped onto her stomach. Cracking an eye open, she saw Darwin on her stomach. She petted him before returning to her relaxed state. Almost feeling a dream coming on, her mind was snapped back by the sound of someone walking towards her. It was lucky really. Last time she fell asleep in the park someone had gone over to her and shouted at her for being careless and letting her dog run 'wild about a family park'. America hadn't changed her that much, she still swore at the woman before leaving (making sure to not pick up any Darwin droppings).

She propped herself up before looking behind her. She couldn't quite see who it was so she stood up.

"Oh, hey," She smiled.

She wasn't greeted the same, but rather a scowl. She dropped her own smile and stood awkwardly in front of the red head.

"Why do I keep bumping into you?"

Feeling the venom, she shrugged. "I don't know, maybe because I live here and you're on holiday here."

"Can I not go anywhere and not see you?"

Naomi didn't know whether to take it like a joke or as an insult so she shrugged. "I don't know."

Emily dropped her scowl and looked around. "It's nice here."

"This field or?"

"America," She clarified. "It's nice here."

Before she could think properly, "I told you that," Slipped out of her mouth.

As if she had just poured lemon and salt onto an open wound – basically what she had done, she thought – Emily winced before frowning.

"I suppose you did," She said. She lowered herself to the floor and sat down. Naomi did the same and sat in front of her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

Neither said anything and the only thing preventing pure awkwardness was the arrival of Darwin. Naomi stroked him briefly before wiping the tired tear that had glazed her right eye. She watched as Emily stroked the dog too and even smiled. She couldn't help but smile in response but dropped it absurdly before fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"I didn't get out of the boat yesterday because I can't swim very well anymore," Emily said, breaking the silence.

Naomi wondered where the comment had come from before realising it had been a clarification that Emily hadn't stayed for Naomi. She nodded slowly, "Why's that?"

Not realising she had gotten herself into a conversation, Emily bit her lip. She swallowed whatever had caught in her throat, coughed, then looked down at Darwin. "Just a problem with my arm."

As if the answer were on the surface, Naomi scanned the slender arm in front of her. It retracted from its place of stroking the dog and so she looked to Emily for an explanation.

"What kind of problem?" She asked.

"Why should I tell you?"

It wasn't so much asked in anger but more in pain. Naomi found it hard to take her eyes away from Emily's despite the pain she could see and felt herself. Emily waited for an answer but didn't receive one. Naomi couldn't think of one, that's why. She shouldn't tell her, she had no right to even ask about Emily's problems but it didn't stop her from wanting to know, or care, or help.

"Is it hard to swim or what?"

It was a less personal question and Emily answered a little less tentatively. "It's just difficult. I- I dunno. Mum keeps trying to get me to swim, saying I'm just trying to be different and cause problems. She doesn't listen though, keeps telling me to just fucking swim but I can't. I would if I could. It's not like I purposely try and-" She stopped. She hadn't meant to speak so much, not to Naomi. She left it at that with nothing for either of them to say.

It seemed like hours passed before anything was said but it did finally come to an end when Naomi let out an awkward cough.

"Uhm, I could help you, you know?"

Emily looked up and raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"I could help you swim. I know it sounds stupid and shit, but I could. I've had classes and, I mean, I know you could ask anyone to help you but I'm just, uh, saying I could. Teach you how to swim."

The fact Emily began thinking it over make Naomi's stomach erupt in butterflies. She felt like a teenager all over again and scoffed inwardly at the thought.

Emily licked her lips before nodding slowly, "Okay..."

"Oh," Naomi said quietly.

**R&R! **

** Ryoko05 - I dunno where she lives! Never been to America in my life so I'm just going on a whim here ahahah. BUT I do have an idea of what school (it was in the Ivy league hehe)**

**Thanks to everyone who has read this and reviewed so far! Means a lot to me :)**

**Maybe one day I'll actually get a beta, until then, please point out any mistakes to me! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

She felt like a teenager again. She was waiting awkwardly on a bench that faced a deserted part of the long stretch of beach as her stomach fluttered and flipped. She bit her lip, let her leg jitter and lit a cigarette. She felt considerably calmed within seconds and sighed deeply as she leaned into the bench more relaxed. A little too relaxed she thought with a silent chuckle as her eyes closed. With a long and wide yawn, she sat up and stretched out; beating her body's instinct to sleep.

"Tired?"

She looked over her shoulder and saw familiar bright hair shining in the sun. She shielded her eyes and smiled. "Slightly. Early start and all."

"It is quite early," Emily agreed as she sat beside the blonde.

Naomi couldn't help licking her lips. She cleared her throat and nodded. "Let's head to the water then," She smiled.

A little les enthusiastically, Emily nodded. She waited for Naomi to get up before following. She didn't know why she was there, why she had agreed or why she didn't just turn around then and there. She just couldn't.

"This part of the beach is really nice. No one ever goes and it isn't that deep either, surrounded by rocks and all. Pretty cool actually." Naomi stubbed out her cigarette as she led Emily to the isolated area.

"Cool," Emily repeated with a small laugh. Naomi glanced to her with a smile. As if she were 16 again, Emily's breathing hitched. She looked down at her hands as she followed.

Naomi began to climb over some rocks and looked behind to Emily. "Careful, yeah?"

"I'm not 12, Naomi."

She laughed, "I know, just don't want you getting hurt."

"How ironic," Emily mumbled.

Naomi stopped for a second before carrying on. Typical, Emily thought. She continued following though and took the time to look around. Naomi had been right, it was nice. The fact it was empty made it a little comforting too. The contrast of the sea and the sand was something Emily had always been attracted to. She was snapped out of her thoughts quickly when a hand appeared. She followed the arm to Naomi whose face was smiling warmly, waiting for her hand to be taken. She gripped onto it and took the last step down onto the warm sand. The soft hand in hers didn't leave, not right away anyway.

"Ready to swim?"

With a quick cough, Emily nodded. She watched Naomi as she lifted her shirt and turned quickly. She did the same before turning back around, thankful that Naomi had left her shorts on. She scowled to herself and shook her head. No, she didn't get to make her feel like that. Naomi didn't get to make her feel weak or stupid or anything. She hadn't noticed that the girl who was stood in front of her was now in the water. Naomi motioned for her to join and, cautiously, she stepped forward. It wasn't until her feet stood in the water that her body jittered. She was lying.

"I can't do this," She said. She turned and began heading back to her clothes but was stopped by someone grabbing her arm.

"Don't."

She didn't look up but shook her head. "No, I've got to go Naomi."

"Why?"

"Because I do, I just do for fucks sake."

The grip on her arm didn't loosen. Her eyes finally looked up and breathtakingly blue ones stared back at her. "You don't. Just, just stay for a bit. I said I'd help you."

She bit her bottom lip and after a few long pauses, nodded her head. She didn't say anything, she just nodded. Naomi let go of her arm and went back to the water silently. Following, Emily began to step into the water up until the point where her toes barely touched the floor. She watched as Naomi swam back to where she was.

"No further?"

Emily shook her head and bit her lip. Letting a chuckle escape, Naomi motioned for Emily to get into the water properly. When she didn't, Naomi frowned.

"So, what's wrong exactly?"

"Just an accident a few years ago. My arms fucked and... I don't know." Because she truthfully didn't.

Naomi nodded, "Well first off, take your feet of the floor," She laughed, "Otherwise this is pointless."

Her face scrunched but she did as Naomi asked.

"So it hurts when you use your arm?"

Emily nodded slowly. She still felt Naomi's hands on her waist and couldn't help but feel safe in her hold. Naomi smiled and began to walk back, still holding onto her, and let go so Emily's feet touched the floor properly.

"Maybe we better stay in shallower ends. Put your hands on my shoulders."

She lifted her hands and tentatively held onto the blonde. Her blush crept onto her face but she shook it off – that was until hands were on her waist again. _Jesus, _She thought mentally, _Why am I doing this?_

"Kick your legs," Naomi said with a smile.

She raised an eyebrow but did as Naomi said and began to kick her legs.

"So at least we know you can still use your legs," Naomi laughed. "That's the main part of swimming."

She swam around Emily so she was behind her. Unsure of what the blonde was doing, she turned and watched. With a reassuring smile, Naomi put her arms on top of the red heads, "Now kick your legs again."

She gulped but did as Naomi said. With her own hands, Naomi began moving Emily's.

"Does it hurt now?"

Feeling her chest tightening and her breathing speeding, Emily stayed silent.

"Emily?"

She bit her lip before replying, "I lied."

"About what?" Naomi asked, still behind her.

"About my arm. There's nothing wrong with it."

"Oh."

Emily got out of the water promptly and left the water. Naomi didn't leave as quickly and merely watched as the shorter girl collected her clothes and climbed back over the rocks. She glanced down at the water before sighing and sinking slowly into the sea.

**

* * *

**

"So how did it go with that girl?"

Naomi glanced briefly beside her and shrugged. The smoke from her mouth escaped as she answered, "Apparently she didn't need help. Her arm was fine."

Emma laughed, "What?"

"I don't know. I was helping her and then she just said how she was lying."

"Ha! She must think you're fucking hot."

"What? No," Naomi shook her head. "She's an old friend."

"Old _friend_?"

Naomi rolled her eyes and put the cigarette back to her mouth. It was taken as soon as it was place. She glared at the girl beside her as she smoked what had briefly been hers. With a sigh, she lit a new one and placed it back in her mouth, lighting it as she looked into the shop windows beside her. She looked back ahead to see Emma had continued walking.

"Wait up for fucks sake," She mumbled as she jogged back up to brunette. "Why are you in such a rush?"

"Shut up. Ex girlfriend."

Naomi looked around with a smirk on her face, "What? The infamous Jenny?"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," Emma said through gritted teeth. "If she sees me- Shit. Hey Jenny."

The girl in front of them stood with a mean scowl on her face and her hands on her hips. "Emma," She said with a nod before looking over at Naomi.

"Naomi," Emma said, as Naomi extended her hand with an amused smile.

It was taken briefly before being let go as her hand returned to her hip. "So I didn't know you still lived here, I haven't seen you around here in a while."

"It's been like 6 months," Emma said.

"Yeah, that's nearly a year."

Naomi laughed unexpectedly before covering it up with a cough. Emma began to giggle beside her but stopped when Jenny narrowed her eyes.

"So is this your new girlfriend?"

Without any warning Emma nodded, "Yes."

"Well it would be lovely if you joined me and my _new _girlfriend for dinner tonight."

"That sounds superb. Where and when?"

Fiddling with her nails, Naomi sighed and smoked the rest of the cigarette before stubbing it out. What a lovely feeling it was to be used.

**

* * *

**

"Hurry the fuck up Naomi! I don't want to be late."

She pulled on her tights before pulling her shoes on. She glanced in the mirror and corrected the loose strand of hair that had fallen from the messy bun she had opted to, having become increasingly annoyed with her hair and just generally the entire evening. She picked up her bag from the bed before leaving the room and gaining an eye roll from the girl standing by the door impatiently.

"What took you so long?"

"Perfection can't be rushed," Naomi replied tiredly.

They hadn't been running late anyway Naomi realised. She hadn't listened to the times Jenny had given but it had become apparent they were early when the two were stood outside sharing a cigarette wordlessly.

"Hello," A voice came. Linked to Jenny's arm was a rather smug looking girl who gave a small wave before gesturing to the door. "Should we go in?"

"That would be helpful," Naomi muttered, earning a nudge from Emma.

They walked in and were sat at a rather central table. Naomi rolled her eyes as she looked around at the fancy walls and plants of the expensive restaurant. She hadn't questioned Emma on where it was but suddenly wished she had. She didn't suppose $10 would cover the price. She leaned over to Emma and whispered in her ear. "I didn't bring money."

"I'll pay and say we have a joint account," She whispered back.

Naomi leaned back in her seat as she scanned over the menu. She couldn't even understand what half the food was. She raised an eyebrow as she spotted the kids menu. She wondered if she-

"Don't order chicken nuggets," Emma whispered again.

"Oh-" She pouted. "What are you two ordering?" She asked the girls opposite nicely.

"I'm considering the-"

And all that was said following that went in one ear and out the other. Naomi nodded along and regretted the question because these girls couldn't half go on. She gave an odd 'mhmm' to seem interested and a few 'ah's' where seemed fitting.

Naomi smiled sweetly before looking back down at the menu. "I'm thinking steak. What about you darling?"

Emma looked up and shrugged, "I don't know. Same as you."

"We always have the same," Naomi smiled looking up at Jenny and the girl beside her. "We're just so alike. Soul mates, isn't that right Emsy?"

The brunette buried her head into her hands. Nothing was said and Naomi returned to scanning over the menu. She settled on steak and a glass of wine. She attempted to smile at Emma but was given a scowl and glare in return. She silently chuckled because she always did find an angry Emma to be funny.

"What do you mean there aren't any window tables? Why ask me what I want and tell me there aren't really any other options? You Americans. "

Naomi looked up and cursed, seeing none other than Jenna having an argument with an innocent waiter. The water she had only just taken a sip from caught in her throat and a spluttered cough erupted. She picked up a napkin and began to cover her mouth as more and more coughs escaped her mouth. A hard pat on the back came and she jolted forward.

"You alright now sweety?" Emma asked with a sarcastic smile.

Her eyes darted to the menu and used it as an affective shield from everyone else at the table as she gave sideway glances to the 1/5 of the Fitch family. It was then that, one by one, each Fitch were being led to a table located beside theirs.

"Shit," She mumbled. She twisted in her chair so her back was towards the table and she was facing Emma closely. Emma raised a questioning eyebrow to which Naomi widened her eyes expectantly. She moved her head slightly and indicated for Emma to look behind.

"That's Emily," Naomi whispered harshly.

A wide smile appeared on the brunettes face, "Oh this is too good. It's like the O.C.!"

"I know," Naomi shook her head. "What the fuck am I going to do?"

Emma shrugged before looking around for a waiter, still smiling as she did so. "Hi, yeah. Can we order? Uhm I'll have the steak."

Naomi cleared her throat, "Same please and a bottle of red wine if you don't mind. Any will do."

Jenny briefly rolled her eyes before giving her order and looking to the girl beside. "Charlie, what about you?"

Naomi smirked before drinking the rest of her water. When the waiter had gone she looked up at Charlie and smiled, "So is Charlie your real name?"

"Yes," She replied cautiously.

"It was pretty much set in stone then, wasn't it?"

Emma choked on her water with a laugh.

"What was?"

"Nothing," Naomi said shaking her head. She glanced beside her quickly and saw that the Fitch's were only just settling down properly. She averted her eyes quickly, spotting James Fitch looking up from his own menu. _Shit, shit_, She looked around the table for something to cover her face with since their menu's had been taken. She listened carefully to the table and nothing was mentioned about her.

"So, how's work been Jenny?"

Naomi looked up and remembered who she was at the restaurant with. She cleared her throat and willed her head to become involved with the conversation.

"It's been great."

"What do you work as?" Naomi asked with as much interest as she could.

"English teacher," Jenny said proudly.

She felt a little genuine interest and perked up. "How is that? I wanted to be a teacher when I was younger but I just never went forward with it. Got caught up a little, I suppose."

"It's quite good actually. Sometimes I get up and feel thrilled that I'm going to be teaching people new things and then there are morning where I wake up with about as much joy as a puppy in a Chinese buffet basement, y'know?"

Naomi chuckled, "Nice imagery."

A nudge came from beside her and she glanced to see Emma scowling. Apparently, she was being a little to civilised for Emma's liking. Naomi just shrugged and returned to the conversation. If Emma was going to use her like she was, Naomi was going to make the best of the evening out in a much too posh restaurant.

"What do you work as exactly?" Jenny asked.

"Work on the beach a lot. I'm mainly a life guard, sometimes I do the tours of the places around the beach and I work the bars sometimes. I'm hoping to open a cafe up soon though. If I would actually get off my lazy ass maybe I'd have it up and running by the end of the year, maybe even summer. A little too often though, I'm a puppy in a Chinese buffet basement."

They shared a quick laugh and while the conversation continued between all four of the girls, Naomi's ears tuned elsewhere for a brief second.

"What's wrong with Chinese buffet basements?"

She felt an urge to laugh but stopped realising who it was asking. She bit the inside of her cheek and continued listening.

"James, what an earth are you talking about?"

"Well, what's wrong with a puppy being there?"

A thick scouse accent chuckled back, "It's a long story son, but what makes you ask?"

"Naomi was just saying she was like a puppy in a Chinese buffet basement."

_Oh for fucks sake_, she thought. _Shit, shit, shit_. She turned briefly to Emma who was deep in conversation and suddenly felt like a fucking puppy in a _battle field_.

"Naomi?"

"Emily's Naomi," James clarified.

"She's here?"

Naomi knew James had pointed to where she was and attempted desperately to seem like she had no idea what was happening. She looked up at the waiter who was bringing their wine and thanked them before pouring herself and the rest of the table a glass and sipping at it quickly.

"Isn't that right Naomi?"

She looked up and swallowed the wine quickly before clearing her throat, "Sorry, what?"

"You've been living here for 3 years?"

"4 actually," She corrected.

"Oh, I didn't know that."

She shrugged, "Not much happened in the first year anyway."

Charlie looked up and, after sipping her drink, questioned Naomi, "Why, what did you do?"

"Nothing."

"You must have done something?"

"No," She said shaking her head. "I genuinely did nothing. I had everything planned, I knew exactly what I was going to do in my first year but the plans changed and my mind changed. I came here with nothing and I did nothing and I had nothing." Her voice cracked, "It was a very lonely year." And she temporarily forgot who she had come with and glanced to the table beside her to see Emily looking at her with sad eyes. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Naomi was brought back to the conversation at her table.

"What plans did you have?"

"Oh, you know, just stuff," She replied with a weak smile. "Doesn't matter now anyway, does it?"


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm gonna go. I've got some stuff to do back at the apartment, okay?"

Emma didn't so much as look up but instead, remained stabbing at her uneaten cake. Naomi wondered what exactly she had done but the thought was soon pushed aside when she reached the doors of the restaurant. The streets weren't busy and it was already dark outside. She sighed and reached into her pocket, clumsily trying to get out a packet of cigarettes while finding a lighter. A frustrated groan escaped her mouth when she saw there wasn't a lighter.

"Bollocks," She mumbled. With a quick glance around she spotted a mall shop which would most likely sell one. She looked back into the restaurant and saw Emma was still looking down and, oddly, Emily's seat was still empty. Almost 10 minutes ago, the red head had gotten up and exited the building without so much as a word. She had assumed it was for similar reasons to herself, but with another look around, she saw no familiar faces. She shrugged as if there were other people thinking the same as her and headed towards the shop. She quirked an eyebrow as she saw it wasn't actually a small shop and was absurdly reminded of Mary Poppin's bag. _Maybe I'll stock up on drinks_, She thought to herself before nodding her head and looking down aisles for drinks. When the shining aisle came into view, she put her cigarettes away and jogged slightly towards it.

"Vodka, vodka," She began singing to herself. "Oo, maybe I'll make sangria."

"You're shit at making it."

Her head nearly snapped from the speed it turned. "Oh, hey," She said when she came face to face with none other than Emily Fitch. "I'll have you know, I'm quite good at making it."

She nodded slowly, looking down at the floor before looking back up at Naomi. "I'm sorry about lying. I don't know why I did that."

With a wave of her hand, Naomi brushed the comment aside. "Totally doesn't matter. So why are you here anyway?"

"I told you; a holiday with my family," Emily replied somewhat bitterly.

"No," Naomi chuckled, "_Here _as in the shop, you know, instead of eating with your family?"

"Oh," She said embarrassed. "Do you really have to ask? You know how they are."

"Still?"

"Yes. What about you though?" She asked, glancing across the various alcoholic beverages. "Why aren't you with your girlfriend?"

Naomi scoffed, "What girlfriend?"

Emily rolled her eyes impatiently, "Seriously, you don't have to hide her from me."

"_Seriously_, I'm not hiding anyone. If you're talking about my _roommate _then I'm not eating with her because she seems quite angry with me and I hate expensive nights out. I'd much prefer sangria," She waved a bottle of red wine as she said so.

"Why is she angry?"

Naomi looked to Emily but saw she was looking at the shelves quite intently. She raised an eyebrow before shrugging. "I don't know."

The two fell into a silence for a long time. Emily followed Naomi wordlessly to the fruit and Naomi followed Emily wordlessly to the food. Neither questioned this.

"So are you going back to your family meal now?" Naomi asked when they were stood outside. She rummaged through the bags and pulled out the lighter along with a newly bought cigarette packet. She took one out before offering to Emily who declined.

"Probably not. What about you? Heading back to your double date? You're such a cliché American."

Naomi laughed and shook her head, the smoke from her mouth erupted as she did so and she coughed lightly as her laughs slowly settled. "No, I'm going back to my apartment to make some sangria and brace myself for a lonely night in."

Emily smiled, "Why's that?"

"Whenever Emma is pissed off she goes round to some girls."

They began walking through the streets. Naomi kept putting the cigarette to her mouth and used the smoke as coverage to take quick glances to the girl beside her. She reached into her pocket when her phone vibrated.

"Knew it," She laughed. "_'Staying at Melissa's. See you tomorrow' _Isn't she lovely? No kisses at all."

Emily nodded and without any sympathy commented, "How sad."

"So how's Bristol been?"

As if it were a touchy subject, Emily looked away. She looked to the floor and began to fiddle with the bag that was around her shoulder. "Fine. Bristol you know?"

"You're acting like there's some big secret back there. Nuclear bomb? I suspected such a thing would happen soon."

Emily shook her head with a small smile. "No, no nuclear bomb."

"Thank goodness," Naomi replied as she blew out the smoke from her mouth.

"It's just Bristol. It hasn't changed, that's all. It's still fucking Bristol."

Naomi raised an eyebrow as she looked to Emily. She stubbed out the cigarette before looking around. She was vaguely aware of where they were and was somewhat surprised by this. "So, where are you staying? I'll walk you back."

Emily bit the inside of her cheek. "Just down there," She pointed before letting her arm fall beside her and touch Naomi's hand briefly.

"I suspect it's fancy, yes?"

"Very," Emily said with a scowl. "So many fucking annoying people."

Naomi smiled and Emily pouted, "What?"

"Nothing," Naomi laughed.

"Stop smiling then!"

"Am I not allowed to smile?"

Emily hit her on the arm, "No!"

Before Naomi could reply, Emily's phone began to ring. She pulled it quickly and cringed as she listened to whoever was on the other line.

"Katie, mum and dad won't let you do that."

"I'm just not telling them. Just call them and say you're already back at the room."

"Where am I meant to stay tonight?"

"Fucking hell, I'm not asking you to stay somewhere else just give me a few hours alone, yeah? Look, I've got to go. Just a few hours Ems."

"Twat," She mumbled once the line had gone dead.

"What?" Naomi asked.

"Katie."

"Ah, why, what has Fitch Twin Two done?"

Emily sighed, "Wants me to stay away from our room for a bit so she can go and be a slut with some random lad."

Naomi smirked and lifted the bags she was holding slightly, "Sangria?"

**

* * *

**

"I knew you'd still be shit at making it," Emily laughed.

"What am I doing wrong?" Naomi asked in mock frustration. "I'm doing everything you're meant to do."

"You add way too much ice," Emily said as she pushed the blonde aside. "And you never add enough orange juice."

"Oh well sorry Miss Fitch, you go ahead and make it! I'll just go sit in the living room."

Naomi wondered into the living room and sat beside the sleeping puppy. She stroked him briefly before reaching forward and turning the television on. She bit the inside of her cheek as her mind told her, over and over again, who was in the room beside her. She took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair. She flicked through the channels as a distraction before leaving it on a random show. She leaned back before turning her attention towards the kitchen door as the small red head walked through with a smug smile and jar of sangria.

She placed it on the coffee table and sat beside Naomi. She poured out a glass and handed it to her and waited for the response.

"Okay, okay. It's better than mine."

Emily smirked and poured her own glass. She glanced around the apartment and nodded slowly, as if she were approving of it. "It's a nice place. Have you had it since you came?"

Naomi shook her head. "No. The first place was a lot smaller and cosier. It was really nice. I much preferred it."

"Why did you move?" Emily asked.

Naomi didn't answer for a while and took a deep breath, as if she were bracing herself. "I just had to, you know?"

"Why?" She pressed.

"It was lonely."

"Why didn't you just let Emma move in or whoever?"

Emily stared at Naomi and searched her eyes for something – the answer. She couldn't find it and raised her eyebrow, willing Naomi to explain.

"Because it was meant for you and me," She mumbled almost silently.

"Oh."

Naomi nodded and sipped more of the wine. "Yeah. Oh."

**

* * *

**

"You got let go because of _that_?"

"Yeah! Apparently, people here don't find the charm behind my drunken behaviour like they do back in Bristol."

Emily laughed and bit her lip, relaxing into the sofa.

"So what about you? Where do you work?" Naomi asked, leaning back and staring into Emily's eyes.

"I'm actually working as a, well, therapist I suppose."

"Wow, didn't expect that. Suits you though," Naomi said truthfully with a smile. She couldn't take her eyes away from the chocolate ones that seemed to break away every defence she had. She gulped as the girl beside her licked her lips and if by instinct, she did the same. She knew she wasn't drunk but she had to find some reasoning behind what happened afterwards and blamed it all on the alcohol – just like she had many years ago. She leaned forward and kissed the soft lips briefly before pulling back and checking, almost hoping, that Emily would push her away because then at least this wouldn't be so complicated. But she didn't. She didn't push her away and she didn't for the rest of the night. Not when her top was off, not when Naomi's was off, not when her trousers were better located on the floor or when Naomi's were on the coffee table and she certainly didn't push her away when hands hungrily slipped past the elastic band of the only barrier that stopped what shouldn't happen, happening. It was when that barrier had been broken, that any other there should have been were forgotten.

**

* * *

**

Her eyes fluttered open to find herself alone on the sofa. She wasn't surprised by that, more surprised that Emily was in fact still in the apartment and using the shower. She ran a hand through her hair before sitting up and yawning. She closed her eyes briefly before standing up and shaking the dizziness. Her eyes dart to Emily's phone which had began to ring violently. She knocked on the door of the shower and called through.

"Emily, your phone is ringing."

"Answer it for me please, it's probably Katie."

Naomi coughed, "Don't you think she'll be angry if I answer."

"I'm sure she'll be fine."

She walked back to the coffee table, and despite not being completely convinced, answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Emily! Why've you been ignoring my calls and texts? For fucks sake, just because you've gone off to America doesn't mean you can pretend you don't have a girlfriend. Jesus, you told me you've actually call me every day and I hardly get a word from you."

The words processed slower than the guilt. The dull pain was confusing until she realised why it was there. She turned towards the bathroom door and watched as it slowly opened. She could do nothing but stare at the girl in front of her with a glazed look. What was most painful was the realisation on the other girls face as she looked at the phone and back to the sharp blue eyes.

"Hello?"

She snapped away from the brown eyes and shook her head. She took a deep breath in and shook away the tears. "Uhm sorry. This isn't Emily. Actually I'm just a life guard at the beach where we found this phone and we've been hoping to catch a call and get the person's name. We can't reply to texts you see, it's a rule here."

"Oh! Jesus, I thought she was with someone else then for a second. Ha!"

Naomi looked up at Emily and with no emotion replied, "I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't cheat. I bet she's at her hotel right now wanted to call you." Her eyes continued staring while brown eyes refused to look up.

"Let's hope. Her names Emily Fitch and she's staying at the Oakendale."

"Emily Fitch. Oakendale. I'll be sure to return the phone as soon as possible and tell her that her girlfriend called."

"Thanks! Ha, lost her phone at the beach. I should have known. She's quite clumsy you know."

"No I didn't. Well bye."

The line went dead. Emily opened her mouth, ready to say something, anything, but was stopped when Naomi's arm extended with the phone in hand.

"I-"

"No Emily. You... you drove me away after what happened. You said you couldn't bear to look at me because cheating was the worst thing you could do to someone you loved but- but you..."

Emily shook her head, "It's not what you think," She said desperately, "We're not- It's difficult with her, we're having problems and-"

"She's been texting you and calling you and for fucks sake Emily, she sounded fucking upset on the phone."

"Naomi-"

"You made me feel so alone, so, so alone but you've just done the exact same thing to her. Guess the difference is, she'll never know will she. Luck you," Naomi said bitterly.

She didn't know if Naomi deserved it, but she couldn't help it when her fist balled and the sharp intake of breath came from the blonde as a painful punch sent her stumbling backwards.

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

The throbbing pain on Naomi's cheek didn't match the one in her stomach. The ring in her ears of the door slamming shut didn't leave for days and even then, the horrible routine of work and life only seemed to push her further and further away from the life she had setup away from the sickening world of love and heartbreak.

* * *

**Man I pester you guys a lot about this, but yeah, I don't have a beta (and way too lazy to want/get one) so if you spot a mistake spelling wise or grammar wise or anything wise, tell me! R&R and hope you enjoy!**


	6. Chapter 6

"Come on! You've got to get out of this boring apartment my unlikely best friend."

Naomi looked away from the TV and raised an eyebrow, "Why am I unlikely?"

"Because you're boring and I'm, well, fun."

"I'm not boring," She scoffed, "I'm just tired and-"

"Blah, blah, blah," The girl called from the other room. She came into the living room with a smile and indicated to the bedroom. "Go on. Go get changed and we'll head to Jasper's for the party."

She didn't know why she agreed. She especially questioned her choice when she found herself trying desperately to weave herself in and out of the masses of people that Naomi wondered how Jasper had come to know because they were all so varied and all so _fucking annoying_.

"Jesus Christ," She mumbled and took a drink from the side of the table. She heard someone beside her and looked up to see Jasper with Katie beside him.

"Naomi, hey."

"Jasper, Katie."

Amused, Jasper grinned, "You know her?"

She rolled her eyes and shrugged, "Yeah, I suppose so."

Katie said nothing but simply scowled. She glanced to her left and Naomi followed to see Emily making her way over to them. She knew exactly what Katie was thinking and sighed in frustration. It didn't matter where she was living; she was always running from the red head. Leaving with a quick goodbye and an even quicker glance at Emily, she exited through the front door.

"Hey, hey wait up!"

She turned around to see Emma running towards her and let her pace slow considerably until they were walking side by side. She couldn't help but feel a little sad that it wasn't-

"Why did you leave?"

Naomi shrugged because it was enough of an explanation she thought.

"That won't do Naomi. What's wrong?"

She thought it over and finally sighed. She rubbed her eyes of the tiredness they had been holding the past few days and shrugged again, but this time marking the beginning of something long. "I don't know. I mean, how could someone be so hypocritical? You know, how could someone make me feel so guilty and so fucking alone to just do it themselves?"

"Slow down," Emma said, "Explain."

"Emily. Me and Emily used to be together."

"Shit, is she that one that lied to you about swimming?"

"Yes."

"I knew you were more than just friends!"

Naomi groaned, "Yeah, alright. So we were together and I did something so stupid. I slept with someone else and of course I fucking regretted it but I couldn't fix it because she just kept pushing me away so I ended up here alone but then she comes back and fucking sleeps with me-"

Forgetting that there was a troubling ending, Emma gave a little cheer.

"No, no! She fucking sleeps with me and guess what? The next morning her fucking girlfriend rings and I answer."

Emma's smile dropped and her mouth formed a small 'O'. "What did you do?"

Naomi looked away and blinked away the rapid forming tears. She wiped quickly at her eyes and took another deep breath. "I covered for her and said Emily had been ignoring her calls because her phone was found on the beach by me - a passing life guard."

Emma looked down and bit the inside of her cheek. "You okay?"

"I want to say yes," Naomi said honestly. "I want to just say that it doesn't matter because after four years it shouldn't but it does. I don't know why but I'm not okay and it matters a lot and I hate that I wish I had told her girlfriend that she had been with someone and-"

Arms wrapped around her as a sob escaped her mouth. She buried herself into the offering shoulder and gripped onto her shirt.

**

* * *

**

"Just tell her what you told me."

Naomi scoffed, "No way. That was just a heart to heart, best friend to best friend, you know, me and you."

Emma smiled sympathetically. "You're such an idiot. Just tell her for fucks sake. Do it, do, do it!" She began to chant. "If you don't, I will."

"Will what?"

"Tell her you're a pussy."

Naomi cringed before sighing. "Just give me some time."

"Fine by me," Emma smiled. "See you later."

Naomi watched from a distance. She watched as the red head bopped her head to the music as she looked down at the drink in her hand. She watched as she bit her lip, obviously not wanting to be there, and watched as her lips parted as a sigh escaped her mouth. Naomi closed her eyes momentarily before deciding it was now or never. She got up and headed over, stopping in front of her. Emily stood up and swallowed whatever was stuck in her throat but Naomi said nothing and continued to silently send the girl into guilt and worry.

"I'm-"

"Tell me what it meant to you."

Emily shook her head confused, "What?"

Naomi rolled her eyes, "I'm not speaking a different language am I? Tell me. What it meant. To you."

"It meant... nothing."

As if it were the answer she was looking for, Naomi began nodding her head. She glanced towards Emily's hands, seeing them shrink far into the sleeves of the cardigan as she tried to find something to grip. "Nothing. It meant nothing?"

Emily licked her lips and nodded. "Nothing," She clarified.

"Okay," Naomi began. Her voice cracked as she continued, "Then please never use me again for whatever ridiculous reason you had for sleeping with me." She turned and looked around the party, looking for something that wasn't there, and left for the second time.

A hand slipped around hers and she was pulled back with a tug. She came face to face with Emily but stood back slightly, not making the space between them so minimal.

"What?" She breathed.

"Did it mean something to you?" Emily asked, her eyes searching and glazing over.

A smile played on Naomi's mouth but Emily couldn't figure out why. She half suspected joy but the sarcasm and pain of it made it almost unbearable. "See Emily, you can't ask something like that and expect me to not think this is more than nothing. Maybe I'm wrong though." She pulled her hand away and left.

**

* * *

**

_Fuck, fuckity, fuck! _Her mind jumbled as she pulled her top on and scanned the room. Shoes weren't entirely necessary, she thought, as she considered it was only the small duty of saving people's lives today.

"Wonder if Emma got up," She mumbled. It seemed she had when the only sight she was greeted with was an empty bowl on the table with a note left beside it. On closer inspection the note seemed to remind her of something but she shook the thought and read it.

"_Tried waking you, didn't work! I'll cover till you bother getting your ass down the beach – Emma. _She can't have tried that fucking hard." She crumpled the paper and dropped it in the bowl. With a quick goodbye to the dog she left with her keys in hand and sunshine yellow top beaming all sorts of emotions that she just could not be bothered to feel herself.

"Ah, you actually didn't take that long to wake up then!" Emma shouted with a grin. "Surprised I must say."

Naomi jogged across the sand, her feet being indented be each little grain of sand that burnt roughly and painfully. She purposely jogged passed the girl in front of her, making sure to collide their shoulders. "Bitch. You didn't even try to wake me up."

Emma followed after her with a sad smile. "I know. I just thought you needed a little sleep. Though it appears you woke up soon enough anyway," She chuckled.

Despite herself, Naomi smiled and looked to Emma. "Ever so kind."

"As I said in the note, I've covered for you so you aren't on shift for another hour or so. I suggest you get some food, a power drink and relax."

And it did sound like something to do. She nodded and said her short goodbyes to her friend before making her way down the front of the beach. She glanced around and saw she was quite alone along the stretch of beach and lit a cigarette. She licked her lips and ran a hand through her hair, ruffling it slightly in what could be an attempt of shaking her thoughts. She laughed at the horrible metaphor she had placed on herself and sighed. The rocks she had become used to climbing came into sight and she was thankful she had inevitably decided to put shoes on but it was only when she got to the top that she realised the world had a funny way of putting people together.

"Emily?" She asked, making her way down the side of the rocks.

Her head spun and she gulped, standing quickly. "Sorry, I'll go."

Naomi shrugged, "You don't have to."

The outside of her cheek indented as her teeth bit down on the inside. "Okay," She breathed. "I know this is your place and all, I just... Like it here."

Naomi nodded as if she didn't care because she didn't. She did truthfully though. She wanted to know why Emily liked it here and why she was in fact here at all but she didn't care. Not enough to give up on her facade of hatred or anger. When she was past Emily her hard gaze faltered and her hands released from their painful fist. Momentarily, her mind blanked of where she was with and who with and out of a constant routine she had, her hands pulled her top off so she were in better sleeping attire. It was only when her toes touched the water that realisation hit her. Her eyes widened slightly but she decided, no matter how ridiculous it were, to use it to her advantage. She made her way deeper into the water until she was only barely standing on the sandy floor. She turned and saw the red was never far behind her. The only sounds either could hear were the dull sounds of small waves made by one another. Emily felt her mouth go dry as she watched the girl in front of her but she knew it was wrong. It was wrong, it was all wrong she kept thinking but it didn't stop her getting closer and closer because it was wrong, she knew that, but she knew it was possibly more right than it was wrong. She didn't know why, but she knew it was true.

"Don't," Naomi warned, "Don't do this if you're going to tell me it means nothing. Don't do this if you don't want this."

"There's a reason not to want this but I forgot," Emily breathed so quietly that it was almost painful and straining to hear.

Naomi bit her bottom lip and looked down in the water looking for whatever she had lost in mere seconds. As she looked back up, the gap between the two had become so small that Emily was almost passing Naomi. Their eyes connected and they were 16 all over again. Hands ran across one another and lips sought for comfort and need and love, pure love. It was clumsy at first but not from hunger but from the forgotten synced desire they once had with one another. It didn't matter what happened that night the two wished to forget because this was different. They both knew this was different. This couldn't be blamed on alcohol or problems with love because it was just them.

Emily's hand ran down Naomi's exposed back until the girl could take it no longer and gripped to her waist. Naomi smiled into the kiss and began moving forward back towards the beach. Both stumbled back onto the hot sand but their lips never left one another. With support from her arms, Naomi pushed herself up and trailed kissed Emily's jaw to her collarbone allowing her hands to travel further to the soft legs of the girl below her. With a second to think, a moan escaped the lips of the petit red head and her breathing hitched as she willed the act on and on. She couldn't help but think in her mind how the roles had reversed since the first time this had happened. Naomi's thoughts corresponded but stopped when she had reached the edges of the bikini bottoms. She looked briefly and felt her heart pause as she saw the girl below her wanting and needing this. She fought her muscles as they told her this was what she wanted while her mind told her she wanted more and that Emily wasn't going to be able to give anymore despite the erupting feelings of both gratification and, both quick to deny, love. As if her muscles were those of a champion and her mind were as weak as the dead, her kisses moved and pushed further and further until hands gripped to her hair before leaving again and her body clenched in an attempt to stop emotions getting the better of her. Emily's head rested back on the sand and her back arched as she desperately tried to find a stable grip on the sand for it to sink between her fingers until she held onto the girl below once again. She bit her tongue desperately and gasped breathlessly as she sunk deeper and deeper into the pleasure and problems that came with the girl she held so tightly onto. She slipped further into the denial she knew was sure to follow but for the time being she let it happen. She let her body and mind forget momentarily that she had someone else and that that person loved her. She could never love her back though, but could she ever love Naomi back? Her mind was so close to answering but her body was too far gone for it to comprehend. She stopped all thinking and allowed herself to be happy even if it were for just a second.

"Naomi!" She called as she arched forward for the final time before collapsing back onto the sand below. Her breathing didn't calm nor did the masses of thoughts that flooded back into her mind as if for the brief seconds she had switched them off they had only collected up. She began to feel panic weaving its way through bliss and her breathing became erratic from something more than pleasure. Suddenly, soft lips were on hers. Every thought she had disappeared and her eyes opened to see softly closed ones in front of her. Finally, she saw blue eyes and saw deep into them. Her breathing caught as she realised that the person in front of her was no longer the 16 year old she was but was someone much stronger. She wondered if Naomi was thinking the same and wondered if this meant anything at all.

"What?" Naomi asked softly.

Emily trailed her hands across her cheek and smiled. "You're different now aren't you?"

"Yes," She said. "You are too," She laughed.

"Not much different," Emily pondered.

Naomi rolled from on top of her and propped herself on her side to face the girl and Emily did the same. "Oh? Well I can see you still like breaking the law," She raised her eyebrows suggestively with a laugh.

Emily blushed despite herself and snorted, "You're as much to do with my illegal acts as I am."

"How did you work that one out?"

"This isn't the first time this has occurred in public and, funnily enough, near water."

Naomi smiled, "Warmer here though, right?"

"Definitely," Emily chuckled. "Jesus, that water was cold wasn't it?" She asked, giggling.

"Cold? Freezing!"

The two fell into a silence and Naomi closed her eyes feeling content and relaxed to sleep. She didn't want to sleep though and so closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds.

"Why did you leave?"

Her eyes slowly opened and searched for meaning behind the question. She realised she knew anyway and stopped. "Because it's what I wanted to do and this is where I wanted to be to go to university."

"I mean," Emily swallowed the lump in her throat, "I mean why did you leave me?"

"I," And she saw Emily's eyes falter. "I didn't want to."

"Don't give me that."

Everything that had built up on the previous moments crashed around them, dangerously close to something that was better left untouched.

"No," Naomi said with furrowed eyebrows. "You can't still think I actually just wanted to leave?"

"What, you think I just got that thought randomly from thin air? For fucks sake you got on a plane and fucked off to fucking work on a beach!"

"I came to fucking do what I want to do! It's not like I left you because I was scared."

"Ha," Emily began to harshly laugh as she pushed herself up from the ground, Naomi not far behind. "I think that's _exactly _why you left."

"Do you?" Naomi spat. "Well maybe if you didn't spend every day ignoring me and pushing me away and fucking off with other girls then I wouldn't have felt the need to get on the plane without you or wait until the last minute for you to fucking turn up."

Emily stopped and felt no anger for a brief moment. "What?"

"I waited. I waited until they actually started asking for the missing passenger of the flight at gate 3. I waited for hours and hours and got at the airport so early to make sure that I had time to wait for you just didn't turn up so I left."

"Was I meant to read your mind and know I should have been there or something? I didn't know what airport, what time, for fucks sake Naomi I didn't even know you wanted me to go with you at all."

"You must have known! The letter?"

"What letter?"

"The fucking letter I left!"

Emily shook her head with disgust. "It's the easy way out for you isn't it? Lying."

"I'm not lying. I wrote you a letter and I left it right there, right next to you. You were asleep in our bed and I left you a letter. It was right next to you for fucks sake," She insisted.

Emily said nothing as she looked Naomi over as if her eyes would be able to determine the lies from the truth. "Then why didn't I read this letter?"

Naomi couldn't help but shrug lamely. "I don't know," She muttered quietly.

"When did you leave it?"

"The day," She said. "In the morning of the day."

"What?"

"The morning," Naomi said again but with confusion.

"I wasn't-" She stopped and thought over what she was about to say. She pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. "No... I wasn't in the house that night."

It was as if she had been yet again by Emily when the words processed. "You were in the bed..."

"It must have been..."

"Katie. Why was Katie... Why weren't you-"

"Shit."

* * *

**Woo another chapter! Anyone just watch Effy's episode? Thoughts? Ridiculous is mine.**


	7. Chapter 7

"What did you do with the letter?"

Eyes that reflected her own shot up in confusion, "What?"

Nothing was said as Emily jumbled over her thoughts. "What did you do," She breathed, "With the letter?"

The beat that hit was enough to confirm she wasn't asking an unreasonable question.

"Emily-"

"Just tell me!" She shouted.

Teeth grinded against lips as Katie quivered. It was something that was never meant to be found. "Nothing. I did nothing with it."

Emily waited expectantly and shook her head angrily when nothing more was said. "Where is it then?"

"Still in the room," Katie admittedly shamefully. "I never moved it from the room."

Colour drained from Emily's face as she thought of all the possibilities had she seen the letter, had she found it before all this, had Katie never hidden it. "Where about in the room is it?" She couldn't help as her voice broke and tears glazed her eyes. It was both from the betrayal of her sister and how her life always played out like a theatre play, a horrible one filled with dramatic irony where someone knew more about her own life and continued to watch.

"Why does it matter?" Katie asked quietly. "You have Rebecca now so why the fuck does it matter? You love her don't you? Why does it matter?"

Emily didn't respond to the question and merely furrowed her eyebrows. "Tell me where it is."

"I," Katie looks down in what Emily believed was shame, "I put it in a fucking Spice Girls CD case. You were never going to look there were you?"

Emily exploded and slammer her fist to the table beside them. "Fuck Katie! Fuck!"

"I didn't think it mattered. I didn't think you would want it!"

"Well you thought wrong didn't you? Why were you even in the room?"

A painful silence fell over the twins, a silence that has occurred a lot following the years of heartbreak for Emily. Neither liked the silences but neither could find a way to fix them. It was only then that Katie realised she always had the answer to fixing it. She wiped an unusual tear from her cheek and shook her head.

"Why does it matter? Why does it matter _now_?" She asked.

Emily had tears of her own but they were unexplainable because she couldn't explain her feelings for the girl she had not long ago slept with and years ago loved let alone explain the tears that fell for her. She thought briefly to Rebecca before pushing it away. She couldn't love her, she never had been able to. She sometimes wondered if after Naomi she had lost all ability to love and had become a psychopath. She sometimes wished she had so she had a reason for the way she acted and the ways she would snap at Rebecca for the simplest of things but it wasn't the reason. The reason was that she gave all her love to one person and had none left for anyone else.

"It doesn't," She finally said.

Katie scowled. "It obviously does. Not only did you come barging in here shouting at me, you're also crying for _her_! Haven't you done that enough? You've been seeing her too or else you wouldn't have found out about the letter."

"I would have found out sooner or later," Emily said.

"Just tell me Emily," Katie said as she placed a hand on her cheek. "Just tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"That it matters."

Emily looked at Katie and couldn't help as a sob escaped her lips. "It matters. It fucking matters," She sobbed.

"Why?" Katie asked painfully.

"I don't know."

**

* * *

**

A hand touched the sprawled papers before pulling back, worried that even a simple glance will cause some sort of disturbance to the person sitting at the desk. Despite this, she still asked what the person was doing.

The cigarette hung loosely from the blonde's lips as she stared blankly at the masses of work below her. It didn't help that the heat had become almost unbearable overnight. She ignored the question and ran her hand through her hair.

"Hey, are you okay?"

She nodded her head before propping herself on her elbows and wiping away the beads of sweat that had dripped from her forehead. "Super. I'm fucking superb."

Nothing else was said and it was only when pure and complete silence fell over the apartment that Naomi realised she was alone once again. Both in anger and desperation, her hands pushed the papers from the desk to the floor, scattering them everywhere with no order to them. Her head rested on the table and let the pleasant change in temperature cool herself down until she had enough energy to finally cry.

**

* * *

**

"Emily," A voice called, "We need to go love."

She heard her name but nothing registered as she looked sadly down at the suitcase at her feet. She couldn't help but look across the many faces in the airport and hope to see Naomi. She wondered if this is what she felt like when she waited for Emily all those years ago. She looked at Katie and saw a sorry smile but couldn't bring herself to give a forgiving one. She pulled the suitcase along and placed it with the others before allowing herself to fall into step with the rest of her family and board the plane that would take her home to the life she just didn't want to return to, not anymore anyway.

"Wake up," A soft voice pressed.

She mumbled in return something incomprehensible before being nudged to consciousness. Her eyes took longer to adjust than her retorts.

"Fuck off for five more minutes."

The nudging pressed on, "Emily we're back in Bristol. We've got to get off the plane."

"Oh," Was all she could manage at first. "Right, yeah. Uhm, let me just get my bag."

It didn't take long for everything to be gathered and for the Fitch family to be in a taxi driving down the deserted and dark Bristol roads.

"Are you spending the night at the house or? Emily?"

Her eyes snapped away from the window and she cleared her throat. "I better get back to Rebecca."

Jenna nodded her head and forced a smile before allowing Rob to tell the taxi driver where the first stop was. The Fitch house was before her own and it wasn't long before she was in the taxi alone. She looked back out the window and wiped a few tears from her eyes as her mind drifted to what she was never to see again but was going to think about all over again. Really, it was no different than it had been because she couldn't help but compare everyone to Naomi. It had become a bad habit and every time the comparison would occur her mind would wander sadly to what was. Finally, the taxi stopped and Emily was brought back to the reality that was, she was never going to forget Naomi. Her eyes looked up from the ground and looked to the house she had lived in for over 4 years because it was once their house. She had never been able to move. She didn't think she would ever be able to. But now it was _their _house. Not Naomi and Emily, not like it had been. It had become a 'their' that was a feeble attempt to forget. Her hand raised to the door before tapping against it lightly. The door swung open and arms enveloped her.

"Emily! I've missed you," The girl said, placing a kiss on her lips.

She smiled and nodded, "Miss you too." She let her hands touch the dark hair of the girl in front of her and wondered why she couldn't just love her.

"Toast?"

She was sweet, she was beautiful and she knew what she wanted. "Yeah sure," She said. But she just wasn't what she wanted. "That'd be nice." It was all too normal. She stared after the girl as she disappeared through the house to the kitchen and it was in that second she decided that that was exactly what she needed. She needed the normality that Rebecca brought. That's what she told herself anyway and that's what she let herself believe.

* * *

**I know this is quite a short chapter but It's the penultimate chapter so the main stuff is all in the next one (which I wont take long in getting out, honestly!)**


	8. Chapter 8

It hadn't taken long for her to become bored with everyone and everything. She was slipping into the person she had grown up from and it was angering her that there was only one person that was able to do that. She got up from the desk she had been working at constantly and poured herself a glass of water as she looked around the empty apartment. She no longer lived with Emma as it appeared she had become smitten with whatever her name was and had casually taken Darwin with her as if it were hers. She didn't mind though. She didn't really care actually. She hated that Emily had been out of the country for nearly a month but still held onto her. She wondered if Emily was thinking of her and if it were eating her as much as it was Naomi. She wiped at her dry eyes before placing the glass down and leaving the apartment.

"Hey," A person greeted her at the bottom of the stairs. "You were actually planning on being on time for once?"

Naomi nodded her head, "Of course."

"You've been late every other time," Emma replied with a laugh. Her eyes trailed over Naomi before looking around the streets as if she weren't sure where to look.

"True," Naomi smiled. "So where to this time?"

Emma shrugged and looked thoughtful for a second. "Coffee?"

"Sounds good."

They walked and talked briefly before arriving at a familiar cafe that Naomi had always been quite fond of. They sat where they usually sat and ordered what they usually ordered before going back to the conversation they had begun outside.

"Well there's no point giving up on her is there? You love her right?"

Emma nodded sadly, "Yeah of course I do. I just... It's a really difficult time for us both. She wants one thing, I want another."

Naomi nodded and put the straw from her drink to her mouth. She bit her bottom lip as she placed it back down on the table and noticed that Emma had been watching her.

"What?" She asked amused.

"Naomi," Emma said warningly.

Her amused smile fell, "What?" She asked again.

"Have you spoken to her?"

Neither played the game of who and where. Naomi shook her head and looked down, "No."

Emma sighed, "Why not?"

"She has a girlfriend."

"That didn't stop either of you before."

"So?" Naomi asked.

Emma rolled her eyes before shaking her head. "Look Naomi. You told me you cheated on her and she said it was the worst thing you could have done to someone you loved so doesn't that mean she can't love this Rebecca person?"

"Not necessarily," Naomi said, "I loved Emily and I still..." She had problems saying the word. Emma nodded her head sadly but continued.

"I don't think it's the same for her."

The only sound between the two was of them drinking. Finally, it became too much for Emma who groaned and grabbed a hold of Naomi's shoulders, forcing her to look up.

"Naomi. Is she worth $700?"

"What?" Naomi asked. Her confusion was justified as her mind had since wondered to the thoughts of bills and taxes.

"Is Emily worth $700?"

"Yeah," Naomi said sceptically, "Of course she is."

"Then why are you still here?"

**

* * *

**

She didn't really care to the words that fell from the girls mouth, the one who was talking enthusiastically about something or other without so much as a breathe between words. She remembered when, for a brief moment, she found the girls chatter appealing because she felt _wanted _but now it was just mindless talk that served no purpose other than to annoy her.

"So anyway, my mum wants to have a really big 16th birthday for my little sister. It's so unfair, I never got a birthday. She wants me to collect some music for it but I'm gonna throw a shit CD in the mix to spice it up a bit y'know?" Rebecca grinned, "So what have you got? All those CD's in our room must have something shit?"

She couldn't even bring herself to laugh at the joke or defend her belongings. "I'll have a look for you," She said, settling on at least helping the girl who had done nothing wrong.

"Thanks."

Rebecca got up from her place and placed a kiss on Emily's lips before leaving the house for her job and leaving Emily on her own. She ran her hand through her hair as she looked to the spot where her girlfriend had only just been sitting in. She didn't deserve Rebecca. Emily didn't love her, she didn't like talking to her or listening to her and Rebecca just didn't deserve the shit Emily gave her. It didn't stop her from kissing the girl or pretending to love her because she couldn't stop. She needed the normality, she just needed it. It was once a good ten minutes had gone by that she picked herself up and headed to the bedroom. Slowly and carefully she lowered herself to the CD cases because her troubles of sleeping had left her with a pain ridden back that never ceased to cause a problem. Her eyes skimmed quickly over the cases and paused on CD's that she had long since forgotten about, such as the Arctic Monkeys album that Naomi had always said was her favourite, or the Kylie Minogue one that had several shatters in it from Naomi's attempts of throwing it out but always found its way back onto the shelf. Emily smiled at the memory but she shook it away as she pulled the CD out with a frown. She slowly formed a collection of what could be considered 'shit music' before her eyes fell onto that of an old, untouched album.

"Shit," She mumbled as her hand ran on the spine before pulling it out fully. She looked down at the case but the words of it blurred as she thought about what was in it. She pushed herself up quickly and sat on the edge of the bed. One hand gripped onto it while the other tentatively rested on the opening of it. Something told her to just read it but something else told her to just forget it. Forget her. Despite it, she opened the case and a folded piece of paper fell to the floor. She watched it fall before reaching forward and picking it up between her fingers. It felt wrong against them. She gasped painfully as she attempted to breathe correctly. The tears stopped when the door to the bedroom opened.

"Emily? What's wrong? What's that?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she letter the letter fall to the floor and placed a kiss on the girls lips. The letter remained on the floor, unread and tear stained.

**

* * *

**

"Shit," She muttered as her hand gripped a hold of the door frame. Her eyes closed briefly, hoping that when they opened she'd see more than an empty apartment. She saw the same sight as she had seen the past weeks and slammer her hand against the door frame. It hurt, of course it did, but it she just didn't _feel_. She thought back to what Emma had said and tried over and over to think of reasons not to go, to not go after Emily. She always drew a blank, she was always going to, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She slipped to the floor as she looked once again around the apartment. She saw nothing, absolutely nothing and wondered why she was still there.

"Why am I?" She asked herself. "Why aren't I just... Why the fuck am I still here?"

She pushed away from the floor and grabbed her bag from the table before running out of the door and outside to the busy streets. She stopped briefly to think over what she was thinking but realised that this was exactly what she had to do.

**

* * *

**

She couldn't bring herself to sleep in the same bad as Rebecca. She glanced around the dark room. She remembered years ago she would hear Naomi shuffle beside her and on odd occasions leave the bedroom. She used to lay there and wonder what was going on in Naomi's mind and wondered if she would ever be able to fix it with her and used to wonder if she was slowly slipping into the blame as she slowly pushed Naomi further and further away. She found herself thinking the same thing, 4 years on, and wondered why it was happening. She pulled her legs from under the sheets, leaving the cold crisp sheets to fall gently back on the sleeping form that was left in the bed. Her hands reached under the bed as her feet touched the floor. She brought the folded piece of paper to her chest before leaving the room.

It had become a regular occurrence for her to find herself sitting on the sofa beside the window, staring out to the park opposite and making up scenarios that would usually end with Emily on a plane but she never could quite figure out where she was going or who with. She placed the letter down on the table and stared at it as she lit a cigarette. The smoke filled the room and clouded her sight and thought as she continued to look intently at the letter because she knew it mattered, she knew it shouldn't and she knew there was no point in it mattering because she was in fucking Bristol and Naomi just wasn't to say the least.

The thoughts became too much and finally, as the cigarette burnt out, she stubbed it on the letter leaving a black hole to singe through the paper and burn out the only word that would ever mean anything.

She crumpled the letter before erupting into sobs. She couldn't stop them and she didn't want to. She wanted to cry out every single tear until there were no left, until she just couldn't cry. She didn't want there to be any more. She wanted it all to be over. She wanted-

"Hello?" She reached for the phone quickly as it rung, hoping Rebecca hadn't heard. She sniffled and cleared her throat. "Hello?" She said again once her husky voice was clearer.

"Emily?"

She furrowed her eyebrows. She knew who the voice belonged to but she couldn't let it be true. She shook her head. "Naomi? What are you doing?"

There was a long pause before she answered. "I just- You still live in the house?"

"How did you find out?" Emily asked. She bit her lip painfully as she searched for something to occupy her mind.

"Cook still thinks my name ends in 'kins'."

"Oh," She said. She gave Naomi enough time to start speaking but when the line remained quiet, she choked back the tears and coughed to cover it. "I better go."

"Wait!" The voice on the other end shouted. "Wait, I have something to say. Shit. Look Emily, I need you. Just stay on the line, please, just give me a minute because I refuse to let you go again."

"Naomi..." Emily warned.

"Did you read the letter?" She breathed quickly.

Her eyes trailed to the damaged piece of paper and shook her head, "No."

"Good," Naomi began, "Because that means nothing anymore, the letter, because you deserve more than words on paper, you always have."

"And doing it over the phone is better?" Emily scoffed.

"Well if you opened the door I could do this a lot better."

She glanced out of the window and saw a shadow on the wall. She felt like a child on Christmas day as she ran to the door but the person standing in front of her was better than any present she had ever received.

"So?" She finally managed.

Naomi leaned forward and placed a kiss on Emily's lips. "Please listen," She mumbled as she slid her hand into Emily's. She pulled her out of the house and closed the door for her before leading her to the park opposite. She sat her down before following, facing towards her. Her lip tucked under her teeth as she waited carefully to begin.

"The letter, it means nothing anymore. I mean, everything on it still means something but it was stupid to think that a piece of paper would... would fix it. If I had just told you myself, for fucks suck, if I'd not been so much of a complete pussy then you would have known, this would all be different." Her hands gripped onto Emily's who's hands held tightly too. "But I can't turn back time. I can't, of course I can't. So I'm hoping I can tell you what I once thought, and what I think now but only if you want me to. Only if you let me."

Emily hadn't let herself breath since Naomi had taken her hand. She finally let out a long breathe as she nodded.

Naomi smiled and nodded. "Those days, all of those days leading to the letter, the weeks in fact, they were all horrible. I didn't know what to do because I loved you, I love you so much, but it just seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. All my energy was gone," Emily let tears fall as she looked away, briefly seeing Naomi's own tears welling up. "I just needed help. I needed someone but I was losing the person I wanted. I was living with the constant guilt of what I'd done to you and... and to her."

Emily blinked away the tears as she looked at Naomi for an answer. She knew the reason that she had never heard this far into her story was because she had never let Naomi go so far in her explanation.

"I'd done something unforgivable to you and something unforgettable to her because I killed her. I still think about it sometimes but I thought about it a lot more years ago. I just needed someone there but I had nothing left and so I wrote you a letter telling you all of this and telling you that I needed you. It's different now though."

Both had stopped preventing the tears but between sobs, Emily managed a quiet, "Why?"

"Because I needed the time from you."

Emily shook her hand from Naomi's and scoffed, wiping the tears quickly from her face as she got up. It was never going to change, she thought. A hand pulled her back though.

"I needed to learn what it was like without you. I needed to see that love wasn't a chore but a fucking emotion. When I saw you for the first time in 4 years... I knew I loved you, like really fucking loved you and I didn't feel like I had to tell you loved you because you knew it too. You love me too."

"Naomi-"

"And I'm not stopping you going back in there and going back to your bed and pretending this never happened but I am stopping you from feeling like you have to do all that. Four years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life, actually I made a few. One was being stupid enough to ever cheat on you, another was giving up on you and the other was leaving you. It seems I've made another mistake, taking four years to realise that."

Emily swallowed the lump in her throat, "You can't just- You can't just do this to me..."

"No, no you aren't listening to me Emily," She said, wiping more tears away. "I'm not here to whisk you away from your life in there," She motioned to the house, "I'm just... I'm just telling you that... I fucking love you. I love you."

"You expect me to be able to go back in there now that you've told me that?" Emily cried.

Naomi smiled, "Not if you love me too."

Emily couldn't bring herself to say anything. She continued to wipe the tears until her cheeks and eyes began to hurt. "Fucking hell Naomi."

"Wish I'd done that four years ago."

"So do I."

"Would have saved me the shit load of money to get here," She chuckled. "But I'd have paid 10 times more if it meant being able to see you again."

"Why?" Emily asked.

"Because I needed to say it and you needed to hear it."

Naomi moved from her position opposite Emily and sat beside her. Their hands intertwined as they looked out to the slowly rising sun. Naomi looked to the girl beside her and, despite the red eyes and blotchy cheeks, saw the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen. Emily's eyes looked to hers and a small smile played on her lips. She leaned forward and placed a kiss on Naomi's lips before resting her forehead on her shoulder.

"What am I supposed to do now?" She mumbled against her shirt.

**

* * *

**

She did all she could do. She told Rebecca and took the slap to the face. Naomi never left and even stayed with her mum and Kieran as she patiently waited for Emily to build up enough courage to actually tell Rebecca. Naomi would retell stories of her mother's filthy stories with a cringe and chuckle, always joking that Emily should hurry up before Naomi found herself living on the streets.

Her hand touched the stinging cheek before sighing deeply and letting a grin expose her teeth. She glanced down at her watch and realised she was meeting Naomi with no guilt or worries. She picked her back up and checked her phone for the address Naomi had given her. She wasn't sure where it was but had been told enthusiastically by the blonde that it was a nice place.

"You made it," Naomi smiled when she walked through the door.

"Of course I did, when have I ever not 'made it'?"

"Whenever Rebecca-"

Emily felt bad that she was smiling, but she couldn't help it. "It's over. No more sneaking about. I'm all yours," She grinned.

Naomi mirrored the grin and nodded towards the seat opposite her. It was then that Emily glanced around the cafe and saw the bear walls, the lack of people and the general desertedness of it. She shrugged and looked at the papers in front of Naomi.

"What are you doing?"

"Working," Naomi smiled. "Stuff for the cafe and what not."

"How's it going?"

"Well actually."

Emily couldn't help but look away sadly. "So when are you going back to America?"

"Mmm, I'm not sure. Wouldn't you come with me anyway?"

"I couldn't. Not right away anyway."

"Why's that?" Naomi asked, not taking her eyes from the papers.

"I don't have enough money. Plus, I couldn't just leave work. People depend on me... Couldn't you, y'know, just say here?" She realised how much she was asking and shook her head, "Sorry, I-"

"I suppose I could stay a little longer."

"Just a little?" Emily asked, biting her lip.

"Well, just until I tidy this place up," Naomi said, looking up from her papers with a smirk.

"What?"

Naomi just continued to smile and laughed when Emily caught on. "I'm not leaving again Emily."

Emily flung her arms around Naomi, bringing her into a long and deep kiss filled with nothing but love and joy.

"I do love you y'know?"

"I know."


End file.
